Why women are like food

You’ve heard it a million times before, and probably done it a few times yourself. At restaurants, movie theaters, at work and pretty much everywhere else in public. Now get your mind out of the gutter, I’m talking about terms of endearment.

You know, when you call your better half, “Honey-bun” or “‘lil lamb chop” or “sweetie-pie” or the countless other sweet/salty snacks/foods you like or can think of. But did you ever wonder where these terms originated from? Or phrases like “You look good enough to eat”. Well yes, porn…. but they get their material from some place too. No prizes for guessing but all this terminology stems from the human-desire to consume…food.

Ergo, thought it would be only too fitting to relate women to food.
So without further delay….

The female stereotype, in gujju

Men have peculiar characteristics (duh!) yes but all men across the world, from different backgrounds, religions. cultures indulge in one very peculiar, yet obvious trait, classifying women.

You’ve heard the regular, run-of-the-mill ones without any imagination, like hot, stacked, high-maintainence, and so on and so forth. This is what the western media propagates, but in my opinion, nothing classifies women like gujju words (made up or otherwise) the gujarati language has a plethora of these words, that don’t have a real translation into the english language, but here’s the “Doshi’s unabridged” version of the same:

How to classify women, gujju style

The ‘new’ object of my affection

It’s here it’s finally here, the last nudge I needed. After a looong 3 week wait, my baby’s finally arrived! After trying everything from alcohol to the gym to introspective walks (read: naps) to more alcohol. My baby has finally arrived to remove any (and I mean any) memories of my ex, and bring order to my otherwise chaotic existence!

I think I’m in love (again)

The Anatomy of a Break-Up ( and a guide to recovery)

Every normal human being, at some point in his/her life, has dumped someone or has been dumped by someone. {Unless of course you were born in the hinterlands of Kerala (or Gujarat) and went straight form birth to arranged marriage, with some engineering college thrown in, midway somewhere.} But for the rest of us, who’ve been there… Breaking-up is hard to do, and recovering from it is even harder.

Therefore, after getting the emotional-sh*t kicked out of me a month ago, and to save mankind (of course), I give you, this handy-dandy guide.

Doshi’s Laws

Well it’s finally here, a concise version of the world famous Doshi’s Laws. These have been passed down from generation to generation, pearls of wisdom that, have become essential for the world we live in today.

Most of the laws here are written from a man’s point of view, but most of the laws apply to woman-kind as well.

The aim here is not to generalise, and as Murphy (or was it Murphy?) pointed out. There is an exception to every rule. And it’s this exception that proves the rule.

So without further ado, here they are:

Islam for women (or veil of sorrow)

So they did it again. In the name of God, Allah the all mighty. Unless you’ve been living under a rock or in denial, you’ve heard that they (the Afghani government) passed a law giving any man, the legal right to starve his wife if she refuses to attend to his sexual needs.

So we already know that there are fatwas for everything from not smoking, no drinking to, well, killing Salman Rushdie… Fanatic or not, there are billions of devout Muslims out there who will follow the words of these “wise men” who are supposed to interpret the word of God, but only end up twisting them further for their only political or personal gain.

Brilliant examples of these:

• Sheik Sadeq Abdallah bin Al-Majed, leader of the Muslim Brotherhood in Sudan, issued a fatwa that prohibits vaccination of children claiming it is a conspiracy of the Jews and Freemasons
  
• A new fatwa published in Egypt determines that the source of all the existing pigs in the world is Jews, who were cursed by Allah. The new edict was issued by Sheikh Ali Osman from the Egyptian Waqf ministry.

But these, fatwas are not binding by law, only binding to an individual who believes in this faith. As if things weren’t bad enough across the globe. Some silly, self righteous, “followers-of-the-faith” have gone and legalized brutality against those that had few rights to begin with, their mothers, daughters and sisters. And this rule unfortunately, is binding by Afghani law.

But from what history teaches us, try to right a wrong in another culture and all of a sudden they get really pissed off and send aircraft through our buildings…

So how do you solve this problem? By banning burkinis? Or by turning a blind eye and saying, “Hey their country, their problem”

Gossip Girl Re-Mixed

So this friend of mine is obsessed with the TV sitcom “Gossip Girl”. And she really really really likes the sound track to it. Likes it so much that she listens to it on her phone and everything.
So on a lazy Sunday afternoon, she asked me to get her the song. Got it, liked the original, thought it could be better!

Without further ado:
Shiny Toy Guns – Seasons of Love (k’doshi’s bootleg radio edit)

Made this on Garageband ‘09, took about 3 hours.

And I know I know it needs a lot of work and can sound waaay better, but work in progress and all.

Incidentally, just started working on Logic Pro ‘08, still trying to figure it out and if anyone knows how to time-stretch a song on Logic, like change the BPM, please, please do let me know.

Edit: To hear the original version: On YouTube

For the straight guy

Finally something on TV that made me laugh out loud!

I can’t believe I’ve never seen this show before. 5 gay men, hounding a straight guy about everything from his nose hair to how to make Creme Brulee!!!

They call this a “make-better” session. There are 5 of them right? Each has his speciality. There’s Nose, Chest & hair-anywhere-else guy, then there’s the Flambe of the day guy and I don’t even know what the others were there for, but they were bloody entertaining!

I figure that the Discovery Channel thinks it’s ok now to show content that’s more gay oriented or features gay men. With the hole Section 377 thing. All I have to say is, I can’t wait for a show where funny, cynical and sarcastic lesbians run amok and then mud wrestle each other. Now that’s quality television!

To the “Juju”

Here’s to the brave and wonderful juju (all of em),
that were created for a specific purpose,
the juju that I loved and adored.

Unfortunately your hearts were ripped out to make space for sarcasm and bitterness.
Your services will no longer be required.

May you rest in peace.

Heard this one?

Brilliant quote, made my day.

“Cheers” to the wounds that never heal.
The more you drink the better you feel.

- Writing behind the bar at Hawiian Shack, Bombay

And we’ll drink to that!!!